I realise that not everyone has the beauty in their life that I have. Therefore I really should be thankful for what I have and pity my colleague no matter how unprofessional she is being. Maybe I should just feel sorry for the immature cowbag, I mean it’s not her fault that she is so bitter, insecure and jealous is it? (well it is!) It’s not her fault that everyone in her life has left her because she cannot see straight unless she is controlling the actions of everyone around her. No, I need to stop this negativity, its not good for my karma, I’ll just turn the other cheek, give her love, send out good vibes. Surely then she will realise the error of her ways? Oh what’s that? Oh I’m the one who’s crap at my job! I’m too young for this job despite the fact that you’re the one who is out of breath after stirring the frigging porridge! Right Wench, consider this war. I bet you 2 pairs of disposable gloves that I can wipe this arse, cream it and have his pants up in twice the time you can! Ready steady pants down!
Care work is a funny thing because it is centred round human emotions and actions, the clients, their relatives and sometimes the carers. Every time I tell someone what I do, the usual response is “oh so you wipe people’s arses?” and then my standard, embarrassment-saving response is generally, “Erm arse-wipe technician if you don’t mind”, instead of what I should probably say; “Yeah cheers mate for degrading me and my job, in front of all these people in order for you to get a cheap laugh!”
But to be fair I do, and have wiped a lot of arses, and I can understand people’s fascination with that, but the thing that people don’t realise is that, that’s the easy part! Avoiding or pacifying potentially awkward, dangerous or volatile situations is actually where the skill comes in. So the hard part is not wiping the arse, it is defusing the embarrassment of the situation.
Generally its usually the client’s or their relatives emotions you are trying to deal with, which is why when your colleague decides to throw their emotions into the pile it makes your job twice as difficult. No in fact it makes it 3 times as difficult because as soon as you stop working well together, the client picks up on it and the pile of emotion is added to three fold.
Some carers if they have worked with a client a while, they can form a kind of possessiveness towards them. They take control, they insist on fulfilling certain tasks as if others are not qualified, and take pleasure in private jokes they share with a client. In a very cringeable way they almost act like jealous girlfriends and it’s left me feeling really awkward at times. Control is always a presence in care.
The client has to relinquish their control sometimes willingly, often not, and so the way they keep it is by insisting that their rules are abided by, down to the finest detail; the flannel put back in the right place, the door left ajar at a precise angle, a budgie fed not one seed over. I kid you not; these are all real examples, and only three of many.
So on top of this, if you’re unlucky, you’ll have a carer who is also trying to gain some control. This carer will be desperate to impart her knowledge on you and show you that she has more experience than you. If she is a trained nurse then you’re really in for it, (as is the woman I’m working with this week). She will see this as an opportunity to get her ego stroked by her young protégé. Nah I’m afraid this isn’t my style.
Maybe it doesn’t help my situation that I look younger than I am and that I work in an industry traditionally worked by women reaching their retirement, but I am bloody good at my job and hate the constant patronising. As far as I can gather my colleague’s issues have come from the fact that I haven’t bowed down to her and that I have been doing a lot of the jobs myself, but in my opinion this is an age thing; I can simply move a hell of a lot quicker than her, leaving her puffing, panting and paddying behind me.
When it comes down to it, we just don’t work very well together. Fine. What is not fine is making sarcastic comments in front of the client, sulking in her room for 4 hours (I hate to get pedantic on her ass but ‘neglecting duty of care’) and actual tantrums. She’s 60 years old!
But anyway there hasn’t been a tantrum for a few days, and we have had to start working together more. To give you some background, we are caring for an elderly couple. He has severe dementia and finds it difficult to walk. She finds it difficult to walk but is fairly there mentally. She, let’s call her Maude, (has anyone seen Harold and Maude? Brilliant film!) well Maude is an example of the type who hates to relinquish control. On bad days she goes through her cupboards looking for things we might have broken or stole. I understand her need for control, after having run her family home for 50 years Maude has to hand over the keys and rubber gloves to people she hardly knows. Thats got to be tough! But being on the receiving end of the constant nit-picking whilst trying to care for a sever Dementia victim is also tough. However these complaints have allowed my colleague and I to form some sort of alliance. I still have to bite my tongue (so much so that I’m surprised there’s any of it left), and let her insults wash over me; I’m too young for the job; I don’t take anything in; I’m not sensitive to their needs. I also have to listen to her impart her knowledge on me as if I am a schoolgirl. However I will sleep soundly tonight because I had one moment of glory. Referring to the old gentleman I said “Well that will be his Dementia” and she, the trained nurse corrected me saying, “No, no Alzheimer’s. It’s a very different disease!” I couldn’t let this one go. “No it’s not. Alzheimer’s is a form of Dementia.” She shook her head. I looked her in the eye and slowly said“Yes it is”. Google it, Nursey! Score! I’m up 2 points and 2 pairs of disposable gloves.
